Hey everyone, Hope that everything is well with you all. As for me, I have been going thru some things. I feel like I am at a crossroads right now. Not really sure which way to go in life. I know that everyone goes thru their ups and downs. I had a couple pretty big downs in the past couple years. I am just now realizing the effects they have had on me. I know I always walk around looking happy and care free but the truth is I'm not. After losing my dad, I closed my business. And I never realized how depressed I got from these 2 blows to my life. When my dad passed away. I really tried to keep up a brave front for my son and my mom. I was the one that had to make all the burial and moving plans. I am the one that had to deal with the courts and lawyers. And let's not forget his janky so called "friends" and "co-workers" I had to deal with. The people who say they were his friends or coworkers actually stole his money and belongings. They tried to get into his bank accounts and get his executor of estate to claim his property. They lied about loans they got from him. Stole his bonds, coin collections, his and deceased wifes wedding bands, his collections of disney and john cougar mellencamp(he and his deceased wife were huge fans), tried to get his stocks, stole all the huge kitchen appliances, dvd players, computers, briefcase with all important paperwork(loan paperwork, marriage cert., deceased wife death cert., dnr paperwork, life ins. paperwork,and on and on and on)...It's so sad how they all deceived and took advantage of his kindness. He passed away on a Sunday, no one told me til Monday and I got down there on Tuesday. They stole half his property within 2 days. The banks told me how a lady came down there with his bank info and so on explaining he died trying to pretend to be me. But of course they had no proper ID or the appropriate paperwork. It just amazes me how horrible people can be in this world. There is so much I went thru with his passing. And that was the beginning of my downward spiral...
Shortly after all that mess, I decided to close my business. I just could not deal with anything and the business was going down too. I spent all my savings on traveling and shopping and trying to keep the business going. I can honestly say I went into a deep depression and just avoided life. I made a lot of bad choices and decisions. I even trusted and let a lot of the wrong people in my life. I am now finally starting to come out of this depression and seeing the trail of horror I had made. It is a slow process. And not an easy process. But I do know the first step is acknowledging my actions and trying to make things right. I have debt to pay off and mending people friendships. I have learned that when all is said and done the only thing that matters in life is your family and your friends. All the material things and all the people that only came along because of the money and the material things, just do not matter..
So now it is time to pick up all the pieces and get my life back on track. Time to start shooting again. Time to recruit people for my business that I am rebuilding. Time to get my sites up and going. Time to re-stack that money and do it better! Time to put ME first! I am now on a strict budget. No more extra shopping for stupid things. More homecooking and eating out less. I understand that I will need to make little sacrafices to for the bigger GOAL!!! I am in the gym every week to get my health back and making wiser eating habits. I am still in shock at the mess I have made of my life. I know I can do better and I WILL DO BETTER!!! I have some trust issues from all the things I have seen and went thru. And that will be a daily issue for me to deal with and figure out how to change. It's even harder when growing up I couldn't even trust my own family to protect me. But that's a whole other story...
Well thank you for letting me ramble on and on. There has been so much going on in my life and just have been keeping it all to myself. I know it helps if you talk to people. But it's hard to talk to people when you have deep rooted trust issues. I am learning tho that I am not alone. That there are others that have been thru or are dealing with the same issues. And it helps to talk to help one another.
Thanks again....And I will be back soon....
Smoochz...
Sienna Hills
Some of us TRULY love you and will ALWAYS have your back even when you are in the dark place! We will just come wait it out til you see the light! xoxox
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I want to say I'm sorry for your loss, and that yes...it is a shame that those who were, dare i say, "closest" to him are out for themselves, stealing and just outright being evil people. Second, it goes without saying that everyone makes mistakes, you are working through them and that's good, not just for your son but for you as well, and Third...now that you are working from the ground up building relationships, your business and everything with it, I hope you will feel much better as a result.
ReplyDeleteHave a good day! :)